Mixtapes for Hookers


Magazine Covers That Don’t Suck
September 23, 2008, 2:24 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , ,

While I’ve been haunted lately by Maggie Gyllenhaal and Sarah Palin* and The Economist’s European Jell-O Mold of Terror, I’ve been remiss in mentioning the fact that there are some magazine covers I actually like.  Like, for instance, the obscenely sexy cover of the latest issue of Huck:

Holy crap, those glasses, and that side-part, and the things I want that man to be doing to me.  Preferably while wearing that cross.

Anyway, semi-relatedly the American Society of Magazine Editors has announced their (extremely New York-centered) nominees for the best magazine covers of the past year. Only one of them–the Tyra Banks one–particularly wowed me, but I’m posting the five most interesting covers from their nominees after the jump:

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It’s Like Naming A Star After Someone, Only Dumber
September 23, 2008, 1:49 pm
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Attention men:  for just $14.50, you can register the name of your little friend and even get a certificate and everything, so that you can show people that you have a lot of money to blow on things like a certificate with the name of your penis on it.  Since nameyourwang.com doesn’t tell you how much it costs until you actually enter a name, I’m happy to tell you that, as of right now, Javier is still available. Because apparently no two men are allowed to have the same name for their wee-wee.

[NameYourWang.com; via Ethan Says]



Grossest Thing Ever
September 23, 2008, 12:59 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

Just the other day I was thinking about how you never see celebrity porn anymore.  You know, the kind the internet was full of ten years ago, right after Photoshop came out, where David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson’s heads would be superimposed on the bodies of any random two people fucking.

Anyway, I should have known this totally frightening and surprisingly well-rendered monstrosity would come along soon.  It’s after the jump, so those of you that like your eyes can be spared:

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Four Movies I’ve Watched Lately
September 23, 2008, 12:35 pm
Filed under: movies | Tags: , , ,

I don’t often talk about movies here, but having a sick boyfriend and being unemployed has done wonders for my cinematic intake.  In the past week alone I’ve watched a bunch and figured I’d share some thoughts about some of them.


Bunny Lake Is Missing (1965, Otto Preminger)

A creepy psychological thriller about a girl who goes missing shortly after her mother and the guy from 2001 move to England.  It’s a great example of the “tense sixties black-and-white drama where people get all crazy and it ends with people arguing out in the backyard” genre (see also: Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf?; probably others I can’t think of right now.)  I rented it because the Zombies are in it, though they appear only on a TV screen in a pub scene.  I don’t know much about Preminger, since I thought Laura was very dull and overrated, but this one’s worth checking out.  The title sequence is also pretty awesome.


Black Narcissus (1947, Michael Powell & Emeric Pressberger)

Deborah Kerr’s the head nun as a group of sisters head to the Himalayas to open a school and infirmary for the locals.  They get involved with David Farrar, who wears short shorts and in each scene shows more chest than in the previous one.  Sadly, though the nuns might dig it, he’s not much of a looker for us in the audience.  The movie also features a totally flaming performance by Sabu, who thinks David Farrar is very lovely.  I liked the movie quite a bit, though it felt about twice as long as it actually was, and I sometimes had trouble telling which nun was which.


Billy Liar (1962, John Schlesinger)

Tom Courtenay plays the title character in this incredibly bleak “comedy”.  I’ve now seen a bunch of Schlesinger’s movies, and while I think he’s occasionally pretty good (Midnight Cowboy), he’s often pretty forgettable (Sunday Bloody Sunday).  His films take really interesting subjects, in this case the Angry Young Man phenomenon, and remove any sort of pizzazz that you might expect.*  While it works for New York hustling in Midnight Cowboy, it’s pretty dreary in Billy Liar.  Also, Billy’s engaged to two different girls; while one of them, the naive romantic, seems likely to fall for Billy’s lies and fascistic whimsies, I don’t quite get why the noisy trampy one would have ever wanted to marry such a big baby.  Julie Christie, who shows up towards the end, is by far the most likable and interesting thing about this movie, though I also liked the dance sequences, including a really huge conga line that made me laugh more than anything else in the movie.

[Also, I always wondered where the "lose yourself in London!" intro to Saint Etienne's You're In A Bad Way came from; now I know.]

(*The exception to this is Cold Comfort Farm, which he made decades later and which is one of my very favorite movies.)


Beautiful Thing (1996, Hettie MacDonald)

Though I watched more or less every movie that came out in 1996, I somehow missed out on Beautiful Thing, the British drama about two teenaged boys finding love on a council estate.  It’s sooooooo good.  I’m not generally one for the heartwarming dramas, but the characters in this movie are all rounded enough to keep it from being too sentimental.  The mom in this movie is wonderful, strong in some ways but needlessly petty and mean in others; but the best performance, probably, is that of Tameka Empson, the girl next door who wants to be Mama Cass.  The soundtrack to this movie is great, too, though I suppose being a Cass Elliott fan helps.  I think these days people call Beautiful Thing naive and dated, but don’t listen; I even got a little bit choked up at the happy ending.



Mixtape Monday: Fall Mix
September 23, 2008, 12:58 am
Filed under: mixtape, music | Tags: ,

I’ve had this blog for fifty-three weeks now, and this is the twenty-eighth mix, which means I’m doing what I’m supposed to at least half the time.  Fall’s when I tend to listen to lots of Pulp and other British things I liked in high school, and that’s mostly where this mix comes from.  The Television Personalities and Soup Dragons songs were both on a mixtape I listened to a lot around the turn of the millennium, that had been sent around as part of a tape tree on the Sinister List for Belle and Sebastian fans.

Remember tape trees?  I wish stuff like that still existed.

I almost added a Mazzy Star song after I heard Flowers In December at dinner tonight, but I decided not so since I didn’t want to take any of the other songs off.  And I have a song from the Jesus and Mary Chain covers project, so, uh, that’s kinda close, sort of.  Anyway, the fall mix is a little slow and a little on the pretty side, so I wouldn’t recommend it for bondage sessions, unless you’re good at working off slow, pretty British music.

As always, I’d like to remind you that if you like the music, you should use some of your hard-earned money to buy it.  From a store.  A real, honest-to-goodness store, if you live somewhere that still has things like CD stores.

Side A / Side B

1. Sandy Denny, The Sea Captain
2. The Delgados, Pull The Wires From The Wall
3. The Clientele, (I Want You) More Than Ever
4. The Associates, Kites
5. Beach House, Home Again
6. Tim Buckley, Phantasmagoria In Two
7. Lykke Li, Tonight
8. International Airport, Melodica #2
9. Sam Phillips, My Career In Chemistry

10. Television Personalities, King and Country
11. Oliver North Boy Choir, Teenage Lust
12. Pivot, Fool In Rain
13. Kate Bush, Hounds Of Love
14. Manda Rin, DNA
15. Soup Dragons, Hang-Ten!
16. Pulp, Please Don’t Worry
17. Saint Etienne, Join Our Club
18. Sleeper, Good Luck Mr Gorsky



Search Terms
September 22, 2008, 11:55 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

Today: site:i.a.cnn.net chargers rivers, missy elliott mixtapes

Yesterday: hunk, where in stamford hookers hang out, michael phelps kavic



The Pop Chart
September 21, 2008, 11:49 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

It’s happening.  I’m excited!  Dorky, but excited.

Listen here.

Follow along here.

More hooker-stuff coming soon.  I promise.



Happy Birthday, Self!
September 19, 2008, 11:02 am
Filed under: personal

Mixtapes For Hookers just turned 1!

I almost didn’t notice, since this week’s been so nuts.  The unemployment on Monday, preparations for the new radio show on Sunday.  Wednesday my boyfriend had surgery, so I’ve been hanging out with him pretty much 24/7, and then yesterday I found out that the brake issues that my car’s been having are actually $700 worth of auto repair situations.

For the two or so readers of this blog who actually live in southern New England, there will be a real-time celebration in the near-future, but the rest of you should expect a couple of “Yay, I didn’t give up on something for once in my life!” type posts in the next couple of days.

Anyway, over the past year I’ve made twenty-seven hooker mixes, which is slightly more than half of the one-a-week plan I had started with.  (Yay!)  I’ll be posting a birthday mix soon (although maybe not today, since I’m still at my boyfriend’s place and don’t have access to my own music) as well as a fall mix for Monday.  Also, other stuff.



Burn After Reading

Friday I went to see the Coen Brothers’ Burn After Reading; it’s the first movie I’ve seen in a theater since, um, the Coen Brothers’ No Country For Old Men.  Like most of their movies, it’s full of hopeless characters involved in complicated capers gone awry, with episodes of sudden violence thrown in here and there to keep the audience on their toes.  I won’t give too much away, because I don’t want to spoil anything for those of you that want to see it, but I figured I’d mention a few things that seemed interesting.

A friend of a friend who lives in New York was walking to work one day.  About a block away from her job, she realized a crazy homeless-looking woman was staring at her.   She looked familiar, though, so when the friend of a friend got to work she brought it up with one of her co-workers.  “I think I just saw Frances McDormand on my way in.  She was crazy-looking and staring at me.”  “Oh,” her co-worker said.  “I hate it when she does that!”

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Attention Fans of Pop Music
September 17, 2008, 5:52 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: , ,

Hey, just wanted to let you guys know about a new radio project I’m starting this Sunday.  It’s an old-fashioned Sunday morning Top 40 Countdown.  Like you’d hear on regular radio, but with 100% less of the Ryan Seacrest, the ads for ProActiv, and the overplayed hip-hop novelty songs being in the top 5 for six months straight.

Not to give away what’s going to be on the inaugural countdown, but if you like pop music and read this blog then you probably won’t be disappointed.

But wait! There’s more!

In addition to the weekly Top 40, I’ll be counting down a weekly top 10 of songs voted on by you, the gentle reader/listener.  This week, in honor of the current issue of Out, I’m asking for your all-time top 10 gay anthems.  (And I’m not defining gay anthems, either.  That part’s up to you.)  Next week, I want your top 10 songs with girls’ names in the title.  You can send me a top 10 or a single song, but either way you’ve got to do it by Friday afternoon so I have time to add everything up.

Oh, and one other thing.  I also want your long distance dedications!  Send them in letter form, 150-350 words, along with what song you’re requesting (I’m not Delilah.)  The best/saddest/most articulate letter will be read on air each week, just like in olden times.

Your top 10s and dedications can be sent to me here until I make a new e-mail account for the show.




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