Mixtapes for Hookers

After spending all day lugging boxes around, my boyfriend’s cat is now stuffing his tuna-ridden face into my armpit with more reckless abandon than the kinkiest bear I’ve ever slept with.  I think it’s shower time, which I only mention that because his frantic thrusts up into my underarm are fucking up my typing, so I’m sorry if this post is totally typo-ridden.

In other news, I just moments ago started drinking my first Baron’s Superior Black Wattle, which is an Australian wattle seed ale.  I’m not sure what a wattle seed is, but I bought it because I’d never seen it before and because the man on the label is wearing an attractive scarf.  See:

[Photo courtesy of the Christian Beer Connaisseur, whose blog concept may be even more dual-purposed than Mixtapes For Hookers is.]

The beer’s actually very delicious.  On the darker side, but also fizzyish.  I don’t know, I’m terrible at describing beer.  But thumbs up!  Definitely the best Australian brew I think I’ve ever had.  Which until now I think only included Foster’s.  Yay, Anything Besides Foster’s!  Anyway, I thought I’d try to explain the qualities of the beer and simultaneously kill some time by watching Australian Youtube videos, in the hopes of explaining to you the mysterious deliciousness of this brew.  Like, say, this one!

I used to love that song!  And also Vanessa Amorosi, about whom I know nothing besides this one song that I vaguelly associate with my freshman year of college and the Napster craze.  Who knew that such a poppy song would have a video made in a booth at the mall for $4.50?  Not me!

Actually, that song didn’t really date very well, did it?  It’s even mildly abrasive now, at least in terms of these laptop speakers.  Hmmm…  Well, here’s a different video, then:

Hmmm… song’s still good but the video’s a little too Shiny Happy People, isn’t it?  Not at all like the manly wattle seed and the handsome devil with the black scarf.  And also I never knew Angie Hart had a lady-politician hairdo.  Uh, maybe let’s try a different one:

Well, I do love that song, but it’s still not quite right…  The wattle seed does not make for a punky beer.  It’s more old mannish than that, while at the same time having a sort of general sophistication about it.  Er, what about this oldie but goodie?

Nope, nope.  Catchy, but nope.  It doesn’t quite capture the mysterious allure of the wattle seed, whatever that is.  Oh, wait, I know!  I know just the song to explain to you how tasty this brew is:

Tee-hee. I’d get down on my knees and do anything for you, wattle seed.

Actually, I just watched the Pleasure and Pain video, too, because I secretly can’t get enough of Christina Amphlett and her scratchy voice and Peggy Bundy hair.  The video’s not that exciting, really, though you should definitelyt watch it just to see her crazy freakout between 1:50 and 2:00 or so.