Filed under: gay, heterosexuals, in praise of athletic beauty, Italians, movies, music, starfucking, tv
So, everybody’s talking about Bromance, and Momma’s Boys, and that show where former teen idols all live in a house together–or, you know, blogs are talking about them, anyway–and I was thinking that maybe I wouldn’t have spent the last decade hating reality TV so much if every reality show were a) this gay and b) this focused on dudes with their shirts off all the time. Also, Michael on Momma’s Boys is wicked hot in an “I’m-drunk-and-wish-Elimidate-still-existed” sort of way. Because I saw a little bit of that (ridiculous, ridiculous) program the other night.
Anyway, I came up with my own concept for a reality show. Let’s see what yo think:
Ten celebrity types on different rungs of the fame ladder all live in a house together. Every day they get up to go to work, but here’s the catch: They don’t know what their job is going to be until they open their closet doors and find a uniform, placed there in the middle of the night by the show’s producers and/or the wacky female host (What’s Downtown Julie Brown doing these days?)
There will be gratuitous clothes-changing sequences as the guys put on their uniforms and wonder aloud how anyone could ever expect them to be a UPS driver/mechanic/fireman/priest/marine/flight attendant/basketball player/boy scout/crewman on the Enterprise/telephone repairman. Then they will go off, separarely, to perform whatever package delivery/auto repair/firefighting/marriage ceremony/acts of unnecessary violence/demonstration of oxygen masks/athletic feats/knot-tying/sci-fi shenanigans/hanging out in a cherrypicker needs to be done. At the end of the day, they will return back to the house to change out of their uniforms, allowing for more opportunities for unneccessary underwear footage. This will be called “changing for dinner,” and the dudes will all switch into tuxes, just because. Downtown Julie Brown will serve them a dinner that she will pretend to have made herself, and the guys will talk about their days. Then, afterwards, they’ll all retire to the sauna (you see where this is going) and through some elaborate and completely unnecessarily formalities one of them will be “eliminated” and forced to leave the house. Then there will be a confessional type sequence where, dressed only in towels, the men will tell the camera how completely unfair their elimination was.
Here are my picks for the first cast:
So, not to be Johnny Self-Horn-Tooter, but tonight’s World’s Slowest Dance Party was pretty good. I kinda miss playing songs that aren’t in a predetermined order, and also playing songs that aren’t new. And getting to pick which songs off the album I play. Things like that, that I don’t get to do with my top 40 show.
Anyhow, here’s the playlist, and you can stream the whole thing here. If you don’t mind all my talking bits, it might make an okay substitute for a hooking mixtape, since who knows when the hell I’ll be able to make another one of those. This is ninety minutes, so plan accordingly.
p.p. arnold, if you think you’re groovy
dory previn, doppelganger
catatonia, difrycheulyd (snail ambition)
kirsty maccoll, innocence (guilt mix)
katja hollander, er heisst peter
low, like a forest
james thomas, jon co ko
stereo mcs, elevate my mind (dub version)
the psychedelic furs, torture
fun boy three, our lips are sealed (urdu version)
shivaree , i close my eyes
johnny dowd, god created woman
nick heyward, kite
shop assistants, the train from kansas city
hefner, the hymn for the alcohol
comet gain, i close my eyes and think of god
the stone poneys, some of shelley’s blues
vetiver, blue driver
benoit pioulard, ahn
rich kids, ghosts of princes in towers
elastica, nothing stays the same
tim buckley, phantasmagoria in two
pulp, down by the river
fairport convention, i’ll keep it with mine
