Filed under: music, not hot | Tags: beyonce, jonas akerlund, lady gaga, music videos, shit
I will be blunt: Jonas Akerlund is an annoying sack of shit and he needs to fucking go away. He is homophobic and hates women and his attitudes towards race are shaky at best and his narrative style is jarring and pointless. He is the Seth MacFarlane of music videos and, therefore, an asshole.
I have been saying this for years, and over time the Swedish music video director has only managed to get more and more repulsive. I mention this now, of course, because he directed the nine-minute video for Lady Gaga’s “Telephone,” which premiered tonight and which the entire internet is buzzing about.
The video is admittedly not completely awful. Beyonce looks good, at least, and the choreography is kind of appealing. But it’s also not a good video at all. As with Akerlund’s video for “Paparazzi”, this clip is several minutes longer than the song it’s promoting but only tells a story that’s worthy of maybe four minutes total. For three long introductory minutes we see Gaga in prison; mainly this provides an excuse to tell bad lesbian jokes, a theme which continues throughout the video. (Prison guards are all lesbians, ha! Their method of finding sex online is a dating site called PlentyOfFish.com, ha ha! Oh, the hilarity! There’s even a vehicle called the Pussy Wagon, the textual tackiness of which hasn’t been seen since Madonna picked up the old lady at the Ol Kuntz Home in the “What It Feels Like For A Girl” video.) Halfway through, Beyonce shows up to bail Gaga out and what ensues is randomly glommed together from Thelma and Louise, every Quentin Tarantino movie ever made, and the gaudy “Paparazzi” clip, with which it shares a murder weapon.
